Faith Marie

on deserving ice cream

When I was in middle school, I played softball for the local park district. We were called the Navy Blue Vipers. I played right field because it was the position that was least likely to get a ball hit in that direction. I was not the best softball player. And I loved it anyway. OneContinue reading “on deserving ice cream”

“do not be afraid” and other shit i finally stopped telling myself

“Do not be afraid.” That phrase is famously said in the Bible 365 times. One for every day of the year. But I heard it more often than that growing up. We sang it in songs and chanted it in the church sanctuary. We even made jewelry, t-shirts, mugs, you name it; all toting theContinue reading ““do not be afraid” and other shit i finally stopped telling myself”

learning to unpack boxes

I was in middle school the first time I became homeless. I don’t remember my mom telling me we were losing the apartment or that we would be staying with friends for a little while. I don’t remember being scared or afraid; just my mom telling me that we would be okay. We were homelessContinue reading “learning to unpack boxes”

shame, group therapy, and Tokyo Ghoul

*Content warning: vivid descriptions of finger/skin picking in first paragraph, death described later, along with small spoilers for the manga, Tokyo Ghoul:re* Over the past six months or so, I’ve developed a bad habit of picking the skin around my fingernails. I didn’t really notice it at first. People had to point out thatContinue reading “shame, group therapy, and Tokyo Ghoul”

i can never be what i ought to be until you are what you ought to be.

I remember that she told me that after six years, she did not want to be my best friend anymore. She told me that her relationship with God mattered more than her relationship with me. She calculated her moves with her theology, beliefs, and goals and she determined it would be better to cutContinue reading “i can never be what i ought to be until you are what you ought to be.”

i’m all grown up (i haven’t really grown up)

When I was a kid, I used to hide under my covers and force my eyes shut, trying with all my might to go to sleep. I was a scared little kid; afraid of the dark, of nightmares, of the end of the world. I was too small and too terrified, so I would hideContinue reading “i’m all grown up (i haven’t really grown up)”

to my homophobic father, from your lesbian daughter

when I was in middle school, you coached me in softball. I was young, bad at sports, and suffering from terrible social anxiety. I was so introverted and shy. But you always wanted me to have friends. Be supported. Have confidence. That’s why you drove me to every softball practice, every game, every tournament. That’sContinue reading “to my homophobic father, from your lesbian daughter”

in which i try to stop being angry

I keep trying to stop being so angry. I close my eyes and will myself to let it go, the way I was always taught to let things go. but lately there have been some things that don’t go away. I find myself unable to stop being bitter over some things. I know I’m worseContinue reading “in which i try to stop being angry”

touch

Once upon a time, in a world completely different than the one we live in now, i wrote this piece about touch. I wrote it in a world that had no idea covid was coming. I was just a sick person in the hospital who was very touch deprived and thinking over concepts of sickness,Continue reading “touch”

on learning to love femininity

I used to wear dresses. All kinds of dresses. Dresses with frills, with lace, with beautiful floral patterns; dresses that were simple or plain. I loved wearing pants under my dresses for some reason; my fashion never made much sense to anyone. I’m not sure what happened. By the time I was in middle schoolContinue reading “on learning to love femininity”