Today I turned 20. That’s so weird to me because sometimes I still swear I’m 16. This year I’m not really doing anything on my actual birthday and I’m content with that I think. Maybe that’s what happens when you become an adult. You become content to just go to school and work and drink coffee. Honestly, my life has been so hectic and full, in the best sense of those words, so just having a day with minimal obligations is quite freeing.

   Yesterday was my last game day at Wrigley, which went by in a very bittersweet way. This summer has been the best one of my life; no exaggerations. I’ve found myself saying that a lot. Each thing I do is the best thing I’ve ever done, but so is everything else. I love that even though I cry a lot, my heart is filled with joy. My life hasn’t changed in the sense that my circumstances are any different, but my perspective has shifted dramatically. I still get triggered, but I handle it. I still get anxious, but I try to look past the moment. I still cry, but I know I won’t cry forever. Bad things still happen, but they don’t have an effect on the good things.

   I have learned to live, and I think that’s really important.

   I have had so many beautiful moments the past few months and I wish I could record every single one of them to remember them forever, but I couldn’t possibly keep up. I am so excited that I have found a life I am in love with. A life so beautiful I forget to take pictures and I forget to journal about it. I have fallen in love with art again and seen so much of it lately and felt it in my chest again. I forgot how much I love those little things. I am sketching for the first time since middle school. I’m taking photos. I’m writing and creating worlds in my mind again. I have been stepping out of my comfort zone lately; acting more like who I want to be and less like who I used to be. I am actively moving forward.

   I loved getting to go downtown and take pictures of my brother propose to his girlfriend. I loved seeing an art expedition with my best guy friend. I love all the great music I’ve been listening to. I love watching the Cubs play and actually do well. I love watching movies and reading books and spending time with people I care about. I love buying cute mugs and watching sunsets. So far, I love being 20. I’m not sure if you understand what its like to constantly live in fear, but I do, and now I’m free from that. It’s incredible. So much has changed for me and I couldn’t be happier.

   It gets better you guys. I promise.

Songs I currently adore:
How Do I Tell A Girl I Want To Kiss Her – Brendan Lukens
Fine, Great – Modern Baseball
Is There Somewhere? – Halsey
If I Tremble – Front Porch Steps
Peach – The Front Bottoms
Obstacle 2 – Interpol
Sixteen – Real Friends
Stolen Dance – Milky Chance
Undercover Martyn – Two Door Cinema Club
Walking On A Dream – Empire Of The Sun

Published by faithmariephoto

follower of Jesus. Artist. Feminist. Life enthusiast.

12 thoughts on “20

  1. Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you had a fantastic one. 🙂 It's funny how we don't ever really feel the age that we are, at least in my own experience. I'm nearly 30 and still feel like I'm a teen at times, but that's not such a bad thing. Wow, you take some beautiful photos! Especially like the ones with your brother and his girlfriend and the one with that cute mug. It's so great to hear that you're loving life and you've found freedom from the fear. Keep on growing!


  2. AHHHHHHHh I'm late, but Happy Birthday Faith!!!!!!!!!!! and I'm so happy you're in love with your life right now!!! Everything sounds wonderful, especially getting back in touch with the creative world!! ^_^ Love you lots!! <3~Jamie


  3. Yay, you're Twenty years old! That is so exciting, and I am so excited for you as you learn to love life. It's invigorating! I totally relate you to you still thinking you're sixteen. Haha, I still feel like I'm twelve, and seven too. It's wonderful to see how God is working in your life! Happy birthday!


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