2015 is coming to a close and I’m trying desperately to figure out how the year went because I can never remember. So I’m at my laptop with my journal open and I’m flipped to the pages that mark the beginning of this year.
Well, January was rough. 2015 was rough. I didn’t know it was until now, looking back on everything. Yikes. This year started off crappily. My journal starts off with a rant about my position spiritually and my anxiety over seeing my best friend, who at that point I hadn’t seen in like, 7 months because of an overseas missions trip. Shortly after that I had a lot of problems with my health and was sick for 3 weeks with meningitis, and was in the hospital for 2 of those weeks. I’m starting to realize that life really is two steps forward, one step back. I guess this year was my one step back.
So, in brief, here are a few highlights (and lowlights?) of how my 2015 went.
-Saw my best friend who I hadn’t seem in over half a year.
-Got snowed in with said best friend and watched the SuperBowl with her.
-Had a kidney biopsy
-Went through chemotherapy
-Spent 2 weeks in the hospital. (And one night in ICU.)
-Graduated high school. (And started college.)
-Became theatre trash. (Fell in love with the musical Hamilton, performed in my schools production of columbinus, and joined my schools theatre club.)
-Saw The Force Awakens
4 times and counting
-Watched my first UFC fight (And realized I like fighting.)
-Redesigned my blog
-Saw Age Of Ultron
-Was taken off all my meds except one. (No more steroids! Yay!)
-Won NaNoWriMo for my 3rd time
-Completed my first second draft. (If that made sense??)
-Finally did The Thing God had been asking me to do for a year
-Completed my first semester at community college with all A’s and B’s
-Bought a DSLR and a laptop
-Read 72 books the year I said I wasn’t going to read. (Post on that coming soon.)
-Dyed my hair teal
-Saw my Internet friend again
-Reached 100 blog followers
-Met a new best friend
-Starting working out at a gym
-Went to my first convention
-Began wrestling with my insecurities and anxiety all over again
-Watched RAIM get 600 Facebook likes
-Ended the year visiting my friend out of state.
-Will spend New Years eve at a hotel with two of my favorite humans, partying it up with sparkling grape juice and cute dresses
I know a lot of those things on that list are good, but overall, this year freaking gave me a beating. I didn’t realize it until today, but I realized
I’m struggling again. I’ll be okay. I realized that getting up from a place you’ve been before is even harder than getting up the first time. Because you have to deal with the shame of thinking you could have prevented the backslide. That’s kind of where I’m at. I’ve been knocked down, and the devil wants me to stay down. So I guess I have a choice now, don’t I?
I’m going to get back up. Eventually. Yeah I’m overwhelmed and yeah I think my health might be starting to flare up on me again and yeah I’m not where I want to be spiritually, God’s got my back. I can’t do this. But He can. I’m just going to keep saying it until I believe it.
Of course, I’ve never been big on resolutions, but I feel like I should this year. Because even though we all forget them 2 months into the year, I like to think I’ll accidentally accomplish at least one of them. So we’ll see. I just want to have goals. Plus I like lists.
Here are my 2016 goals.
-Work on my anger issues
-Be more honest
-Be a better sister
-Stop being so selfish
-Figure out where RAIM is going and what our plan is for that
-Continue to grow
-Stop being so hard on myself
One last thing, I promise.
I would really appreciate it if you took a few seconds to fill out this questionnaire.
Thanks a billion!
What are your goals for this coming year? How did 2015 treat you?