Today was the big day. I shaved off all my hair and am officially bald.
My head is buzzing from the razor and I still feel a little odd. But let me tell you about how fantastic I feel. I can honestly say this is one of the bravest and most significant things I’ve ever done in my life thus far. I also donated my hair so that a child who can’t have hair, can now use mine as a wig. When I got up on the stage I was so nervous. A bunch of my friends and family were in the crowd with cameras and the hair stylist asked me if I was ready and said yes. I felt the razor hitting my head and a tingling sensation and then I felt the hair fall off my head. After it was done the hair stylist gave me a big hug and told me I was so beautiful.
I cried the entire time.
I pictured Ellie and Silas and my friend Stephanie who all inspired me to do this. I was so overwhelmed. You see, I can recall a conversation I had with my friend when I was a freshman I believe, and she asked me if my child ever got cancer if I would shave my head if they asked me to. You know what I said? No. I didn’t think I would. That just shows how much God can change you. I went from saying I wouldn’t even shave my head for my own child to shaving it because I simply felt called to. I am not who I was and that is a beautiful thing. I can’t wait to see who I’ll be in a few years. I had no idea I could ever do this; I didn’t know I could give up so much or be so bold; but God did. I know He has crazy reasons for calling me to do such an audacious thing, and I probably won’t ever know all those reasons, but right now, on day one, I can already see some ways that He is using this.
I wanted to do this because I wanted to show people that beauty isn’t physical. I’m beautiful, but not because my hair was freaking fabulous (which it really was.) but because I was created by God and He lives in me. I am beautiful because I am a masterpiece of my Creator. Being someone who struggles with self esteem issues and lack of confidence (I mean, don’t we all?) I didn’t think I would ever do something like this. Why would I make those issues worse? Yesterday when I was thinking about the big shave I thought about what other people would think; and not just my friends, but random strangers. What if people don’t think I’m pretty anymore? What if no boy will like me? What if people judge me? What if what if what if?! I realized how ridiculous that sounds. I mean, is hair really all that important?! And, if a guy doesn’t like me because I don’t have hair, forget them. I’m not defined by my looks. I am so much more than that.
God also taught me about faith. He showed me that I am so much stronger than I thought; that I can trust Him even in random things. If He says “shave your head.” I say “Yes sir.” and do it. What more can I do that I was unaware of?! I learned today that I can be confident. I don’t need to let the opinions of others get to me; I can follow God and not worry about what people have to say. I know I’ll be able to minister to a lot of people through this and be able to share God’s goodness; but I think this was about me. It was about Him teaching me to be free. After today I am able to say that I did something courageous. I did something that frightened me. I feel invincible and unstoppable.
So what is God calling you to do? How can you be courageous? Doing God’s will can be terrifying, but don’t ever let it be a burden. Because carrying out the will of the God of the universe is the highest privilege and honor. Step out of your comfort zone and be bold. This is your time.