Yes. You read that title right. I’m here to give my straight up honest opinion so I will do nothing less. Being a leader can suck. It’s hard. It can be scary. It can be annoying. It can suck. For me, the hardest part of being a leader is having followers. That doesn’t really sound too complicated right? If you lead, people follow; that’s in the job description. But for me, I like in inspire people….to go do their own thing because this thing is mine now go away. I’ve always said I wanted to inspire greatness in others but now that I have…can I not? Its the most selfish thing I’ve ever thought and I hate myself for it but I’m going to share these bratty thoughts of mine with you because I’m a flawed human and I’m not going to hide it.
I’ve always been all about identity. I love the topic, and I’ve struggled a lot with the topic. I hate being mainstream and liking things that other people like, and I’ve always been concerned with how people see me and etc. Now the problem I’ve been having is this: I don’t really have anything I can call my own. All those things that used to make people think “Oh! That’s so Faith!” is gone.
twenty one pilots
It’s all been taken from me. How? Because me being the idiot that I am decided I should share those things with others. Maybe I didn’t do it intentionally. But me being however it is I am inspired other people to follow those things. And that backfired. Big time.
I always feel in the shadows; people always overshadow me and I just sit in the dark all alone. I’ve always been known as a geek, but if someone else comes with that same identity, they outshine me and I just sink back into my hole of isolation. That’s how it always goes. Now every single one of those things have been taken and now I’m without an identity and sitting in the dark. I talked to my mom about this and how upset I was over it. I had just wanted one thing to be my own. One! That’s all I asked for. Especially with going bald, I wanted to do this myself; but my sister and two of my brothers joined me. My mom told me it was because they wanted to be like me, I had inspired them or whatever. Which was weird because I was like “Wait, I inspired people?!?!” this was kind of news to me. I didn’t know I was a leader, I’ve never wanted to be one and probably shouldn’t be one either. I’m way too prideful for that and I would let it get to my head. When she said that, I was sort of taken aback.
When you think of a leader you probably see someone who’s brave and courageous and a good speaker and fearless. At least, that’s what I see. You also don’t picture the struggles they have, the possible lack of identity. Leaders constantly have people following them, mimicking them; copying them. At that sucks. But its the life of a leader. I guess if I wanted to be a leader I should have expected followers. I didn’t. I know I’ve blogged about this before because this has been a constant issue for me. Its something I’ll work out; its hard to swallow our pride and not care if people think you’re the one copying someone else. I’ll get it right one day. And today is not that day.
All I can say is be yourself and if anyone has anything to say about it, just smile.
“Great leaders inspire greatness in others.”-Jedi Proverb