Yesterday was my youth groups talent show. It rocked! There was a lot of really great acts. There was only one skit this year which was a little saddening. But we had people playing a variety of instruments in a variety of genres. We had siblings duos, single singers, flute players, and poem sayers. (That’s not a real word but you get the point.) We have a lot of talent in our group. It’s everyone’s favorite youth group night of the year, and with good reason.
I sang Overthinking by Relient K (acoustic version) with my band, Pineapple On The Go. And in my favorite act I did I sang Stomach Tied In Knots by Sleeping With Sirens with this kid, Dylan, playing guitar and the box. I did pretty good. I hit the notes I was afraid I was going to fail at because my family has been sick all week so my throat was about ready to cave by the end of the week. But I did good.
Other than sing, I did something after the talent show. I gave the message for the night.
I was absolutely terrified. I skipped a few things in my talk and sped things up and didn’t elaborate on things I could have because I thought I had a lot less time than I did. It was intimidating because I had planned on it being a more casual talk; me standing below the stage with a little music stand. But no. I got to stand on the stage with all the lights off save for the ones that were pointed at me, instead of a music stand I used the pulpit, and I got a microphone. So…that was unexpected. But I did it. I showed fear who was boss. I was confident. I was more relaxed than I had expected. And I did it. As I started to look back on the night I thought about all the things I should have done differently, but I stopped. Because I did great and I can’t go back and fix it. When I walked down that stage I smiled because I left something up there; my fear. There is nothing that can hold me back. I’m untying my wrists and letting the shackles come free. Because I’ve held the key to them all along. Fear doesn’t own me. And it took me way too long to realize it. I couldn’t have done it alone though. I had people that constantly had my back and they taught me so much. I wish I could thank everyone who impacted me; most of them are probably unaware that they did such a thing. So here are a few thank yous to some unnamed people:
My best friend: for everything. I can’t even name all you’ve done for me. You’re always there for me, to say the least. Thanks for always dealing with me.
My leader: For praying over me and giving me advice, and allowing me to cry like a baby on the first night of camp.
My friend: For helping me and believing in me. For offering me your hand to grab when I felt like I was sinking, for always giving me brutal honesty, and for making me want to be brave.
My brother: For letting me Skype you at 11 o’clock at night when I’m crying over stupid things; and for shutting my brain off when it’s overthinking relentlessly.
My Mom: For letting me eat ice cream when I’m feeling sad, and giving me hugs.
Those are just a few people who have made a difference in my life. Probably like, two of them will read this. But I couldn’t have done it without them.
I am not fearless; not yet. But I’m getting there. I am surely going to have moments of weakness but right now I can tell you that it won’t overcome me. I am stepping out and it’s so sweet to know that there is nothing that can stop me from becoming all God has called me to be. Because the only thing that had ever stood in the way was myself.
Also, thank you everyone who has looked at my photography and helped me and encouraged me in that! I had a lot of people tell me I was very talented and they loved my photography yesterday and I felt so blessed! It was amazing. I feel so loved. Thank you!