Today I had my first real college visit. I’ve tagged along for a few college visits with my brother but this was the first time I went to talk about me and my future. It was weird. And I feel old. But despite that I really enjoyed it. I got to talk to a psychology professor which was really cool and he was really nice. I also went to a college fair last Monday so I’ve been talking to a lot of places about their psychology departments and their programs and such. I love talking psych but honestly I got pretty freaked out over all of this. I’ve never been good at school so all of this is coming on so suddenly. When hard times hit we really only have two options; one is to hide away and give up, and the other is to brace yourself and fight on. I’ve always been a fighter but when it came to school I tend to do the former option rather than the latter. Because I would much rather give up than do one more math problem or flip through pages of a science book to conquer my confusion. Its just so much easier. But this time I have something to fight for.
Before my Rise Above It Missions days I didn’t really had a purpose. I mean, I knew I had one but I had no idea what it was. I knew I wanted to change lives but that’s a pretty broad field. I had no idea how I should go about doing that. But now that I have RAIM and now that God has given me a vision of where I want to go with it, I have a reason to try. So when I start to feel discouraged about my school work and when I get frustrated I can just think of my RAIM kids and how much I love talking to them and how sometimes I can’t always help them and how much more I would be able to do after I go to college. I can picture God changing lives through me at a Rise Above It recovery center.
But honestly, I am scared. Its not easy to do this, especially not for me. Every time they mention how many years of college I’m looking at I cringe and think “I can’t freakin do this.” But God says otherwise. In the book I’m reading there was a scripture passage in it and it really spoke to me. Deuteronomy 30:11 “For this commandment which I commanded you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach.” Yes this passage is God talking to the Israelites but it was a reminder that God doesn’t give you tasks that are too hard. He gave me this vision and this passion because He knew I could do it. It doesn’t mean that its going to be a walk in the park, but its attainable. Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
As I plan out how much work I’m going to have to do I start to stress until I remind myself that I can do it. There will always be people who don’t think I can do it and the world is going to tell me its not worth it. I know the devil has already been feeding me lies and telling me I’m too stupid for this field of work and I’m not smart enough. That’s why I have God’s truth. I can do this. I can overcome any obstacle in my way because Christ has enabled me to do so. God doesn’t tell you to do something you are unable of. He see’s so much more in us than we see in ourselves. That truth has been such a blessing to me in so many areas of my life. There have been many times that God has told me to do some things that I thought were waaaaaaay too hard, but He reminds me that I can do this. I have a hard time with confidence and its something I’ve really been working on as of late but its a long process and a hard thing to gain. I doubt myself so much and I don’t know my own strength. But He is teaching me. One thing my small group leader said in group a few weeks ago is how God became manifested in us. That’s insane! Like…I can’t stress that enough. That’s incredible power. And its in us. That’s the same power that we read about Jesus having all throughout Scripture. A few months ago I decided that I wanted to pursue a life like Jesus lead. I knew I had that power in me and I wanted it. I began to crave it. Some days I have a hard time focusing on God but that desire is always there. Because even when I’m not 100% focused, I always want to be. That’s what I want for my life. I want to be like Jesus. That sounds like a crazy, totally unattainable goal, but isn’t what that God had intended? Do we really ask ourselves ‘what would Jesus do?’ enough?
Sorry I sort of strayed from the initial point of the post but I had to mention all of that. I know in some areas of life it seems that we are unable to accomplish our goals, but know that God has given you all that you need to live for Him.