Hello again. Its been awhile since I’d last seen you and I was really enjoying that apart time. I thought I had gotten rid of you but slowly you began to creep back into my life. I tried to ignore you but you didn’t want to be ignored. You kept on pestering me and bugging me until now I have felt the need to write you this letter. Let’s start with our history shall we? I remember the night I felt the most terrified. It was awful. Never had I ever experienced that sort of fear; it gripped me and pulled me and I broke down in tears that night. Funny enough that ended up being the best day of my life. That was the night I met my Savior. What you intended for harm, God used for good. I remember being young and you were always there. One night I caught a few scenes of a movie I shouldn’t have and you swept in right away, seizing the opportunity. I can recall how you would come most nights and I was too young to push you away. For years those few scenes dominated me; I had nightmares and from that and I was stripped of a love for a beautiful creature because of the twist you put to them.
Even to this day you continue to follow me. Everything I see on the news, every dark and cloudy day, things people say, songs, movies, a thought; you come in. You torment me. You make me lay in bed and dwell in that state; utterly paralyzed. On my very first day at camp you came in and I couldn’t think straight. But I’m older now, I don’t fall for the same tricks anymore and I’ve learned a few myself. I ran to my leader and I cried and told her all about you and our messed up past. That was the day I decided that I didn’t need you anymore. I didn’t want this for myself. I got fed up with you. You took my life and now I want it back. That was a rough week for me; because the more I fought you the more you fought back. We struggled all week but finally towards the end I talked to my leader again and said it was done; you needed to go. She gave me ways to conquer you and get rid of you. She also told me that I would have days like this; of course I would slip back to you but when those days came, I needed to get right back up and not continue in it. So in the words of Barlowgirl I say to you, “I’m so done listening to you, its time for you to go. I refuse to give one more day to you…No more wasting my life on this worlds addictions. Its time for me to take you to find your place. I am letting go.”
I don’t need you anymore. You don’t own me. I am owned by the God of the universe, He holds everything in His hands and He holds me and my future and the entire world. I have nothing to be afraid of. So on the days I feel weak and the days I feel like I am a slave to you, I will remember that Christ has set me free. He came to give me abundant life, not a life lived in fear. When I feel burdened by you I will give that burden to Him and I know that He will give me rest. (Matthew 11:28-30) I have my weapon to fight with. I have my bible and book of promises. Your lies mean nothing to me because I have discovered God’s truth. Let me share with you some lyrics to a song I would like to dedicate to you. Fly On The Wall by Thousand Foot Krutch.
“I’m on the run from a thief I’ve let into my head. I know I hold the key so don’t be scared when I turn and shout ‘I don’t think I need you anymore! Take your words and your lies and just beat it! I don’t think I need you anymore! Take the hurt and the pain, I don’t need it! I want to live I want to be the change. We can all be kings and queens if we can just learn to believe.”
So this is a goodbye letter. Try not to miss me too much ok? “Go ahead, you’re never gonna take me. You can bend but you’re never gonna break me. I was yours, I’m not yours anymore. You.don’t.own.me.” That was from Dear X, You Don’t Own Me. It was a good run, but I’m over it now. I know I have the strength of God flowing in my very veins, so now I’m going to show you what real fear is. I am free and I will rejoice. I know I am a conqueror, (Romans 8:37) so prepare to be conquered. I know why you’ve followed me all these years; you were acting in fear. You knew that if I knew just what I was capable of, I would be unstoppable. Well I figured it out. I know it must be hard to be you; you’re nothing but a tool of the devil. He sent you to try and keep me from reaching my full potential. Ha, even the devil is scared of me. Too bad I figured you out. It really was a good plan; try and keep me afraid and curled up in a tiny ball on my bedroom floor my whole life, petrified by fear. It almost worked too. But God came and showed me something. He showed me your schemes and tricks and I realized that I could rise above it. You tried with every ounce of your being to attempt to keep me from seeing the truth but I would like to be the first one to tell you that you have failed miserably. And guess what? Its not going to stop with me. In a few minutes this very letter is going to be posted on my blog and shared with hundreds of people. And it won’t even stop there. Because I’m going to expose you and your lies and help to free all of the other people you’ve held under your captivity.
So to sum it all up: suck it, Fear.
-God’s Princess Faith.