This week I have really been thinking a lot about my relationship status.
See, people say that word like its a disease. “Yeah, I’m single.” What? When did that become a bad thing? Why are you any different than anyone else because you don’t have a significant other in your life? The answer is: you’re not. And if you do have a significant other, you’re not better than anyone else.
In the past week and a half, 3 of my friends have gotten boyfriends. This is weird to me because I’m a sheltered homeschooler with church friends and all that. So really, I’m not used to this concept. But I guess it makes sense; this day was bound to come eventually. I mean, I’m almost 17. (We’re not going to talk about that…) I guess I’ve just felt kinda weird because I’m usually the third wheel with my friends. I don’t like all of my friends being in relationships because all they do is talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend and the only way to contribute to the conversation is to talk about your own boyfriend. Which is non existent in my case. And of course once your friends are in relationships than you become lower on their priority list because Mr. Perfect fills up every other space.
But believe it or not, I haven’t come here to complain about how being single sucks. I actually came to do the opposite. You see, God has been teaching me about the lovely life that is the single life. Most people would think its anything but lovely, but Paul from the bible said that his personal preference was that, if you are able, to stay single. I’ve been doing so much praying over the past month-month and a half; I’ve been praying about where God wants me to go and how I should go about getting there, especially in terms of who I like and all that jazz. Naturally, He hasn’t given me any straight up answers because He’s God and that’s how He rolls but He has been able to teach me some things about where I am here and now. I know this is a topic that could potentially reach out to a lot of people so I really hope this helps to give you some perspective. I wouldn’t be writing this post if I didn’t feel that someone needed to hear it.
Before you ask God for a boyfriend, make sure you’re ready for one.
You can’t expect the perfect guy to come along until you make yourself the perfect girl. (And by perfect I don’t mean perfect. I mean that you should strive to be the best girl you can be.) So instead of searching for Prince Charming, work on making yourself Cinderella first. (Guys, this analogy can be flipped for you too. Work on being Prince Charming.)
Find your identity first.
I can’t stress how important I feel that this is. This is really what God has been telling me about, even in other terms. Like, this is huge. You see, you shouldn’t be going off expecting to find someone who will love you endlessly when you can’t even appreciate yourself. Sure, it happens, but if you just skip to finding someone else than that person becomes your crutch. You can’t completely rely on someone else for your self esteem. I feel like this is a big problem that girls have. They find a guy who likes them and they tell them they’re beautiful and they believe it because it comes from their “boyfriend.” But they’re sense of self worth comes from their significant other. No! Your identity is found in Christ! He is your firm foundation. He should be your rock that you stand on, not some human man. Because what happens if/when that man leaves you? Your worth is thrown away because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re only valuable with that other person; and now you’re worse off than you were before the relationship.
What you need to understand is that you are beautiful and amazing and valuable as a single person. You don’t need anyone else on this earth to make you feel important because your identity comes from Christ. God says He loves you (John 3:16) and He has paid the price of your sin for you! That means that you are no longer bound by this world and you can live for greater things. You are valuable. Before you begin searching for the right guy, make sure you know to Whom you belong.
I really hope this has given you some sort of insight and maybe you needed to hear just what I had to say. I really hope it stirred something in you. It was just two simple points that could possibly change the way you live your life. I would also like to say that a few months ago I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and really loved it and would definitely recommend it. One more thing before I go, use this time of being single very wisely. This is a time where you can focus on the most important relationship you’ll ever have: your relationship with your Creator. Yes, you’ll be able to continue to deepen that relationship with your spouse/future spouse/boyfriend, and I hope you do. God gives you those people so that you can grow in Him, but don’t just say “I’ll do it once I have a boyfriend.” No. Please don’t say that. The choice is all yours, choose wisely.