Alright, I know I’ve been writing some really heavy posts this week and I’m going to do a few more. I had been praying about having a guest to come and post on my blog but I didn’t know who and I really wanted God to show me who. I thought I was going to ask one of my followers but then God showed me someone! She is someone I know personally and I heard her story when she spoke at our AWANA club one night and I loved it. Everyone loved it. She is such a fun person and she is a really good swing dancer! I’ve seen her dance before and its so beautiful! I hope her story inspires you! Ladies and gentlemen, introducing: Marina!
My name is Marina Moeller, and I’m here to tell you my story. I’m 15, almost 16 and when it comes to beauty insecurities I’m one of the founding presidents. My story isn’t something I’m afraid of, but rather I’m changed from. When I was in the 7th grade I got braces (I don’t have them anymore.) Anyways, when you get braces it hurts like heck and you really don’t feel like eating. Also at the same time my mom was very serious about losing weight. I thought “why not?” I could lose a couple pounds; at the time I wasn’t extremely insecure or unhappy with my size. So one thing lead to another and I started losing weight quick from the braces and the “healthy” foods. All of a sudden I liked the way I looked; slim. I can’t exactly explain how I got so bad but all I can remember I stopped smiling, I was depressed, I judged not only my body but others too. My hobbies, my friends no one could make me happy. I became sick with this notion that the only way others would think I’m pretty or that I’d think I’m pretty is through being a stick.
Long story short I was diagnosed with Anorexia. If you don’t know what that is it’s an eating disorder where you starve yourself. So during this time I was fighting with so many emotions like “why me?” or “how did I let it get this bad.” I have never experienced or imagine I will experience something again that is so earth shaking that it takes all you have and the strength of others around you to come out of something like that. I’ll admit I was mad at God, I believed He made me ugly and I was angry with the thought that that might be true. I prayed every night almost subconsciously that something would change in me. I went to therapy for about a year, all my feelings were the same I just wanted to feel beautiful and I couldn’t understand why others thought it was wrong. Of course looking back I obviously see that starving yourself is incredibly unhealthy and it almost tore my family apart. It almost tore me apart, it almost consumed me. Finally after praying, pleading and thinking for hours I decided I wanted to change. After being in the dark almost an entire year I was ready to take a leap of faith in God and I began eating again. I began doing things that I enjoyed; it took a ton of time to recover to where I could feel normal enough to even begin to eat out. I had to go through many tears when I started gaining back weight and none of my old clothes fit me. I had to face the people I hurt when I was shutting them out and would lash out at them. All in all the time after I was in the darkness was more difficult than being in the darkness itself. I didn’t know I was destroying myself at the time, but knowing my own pain was worse. I can gladly say I’m a completely new person from the experience.
My relationship with my family and friends are stronger and I have a different relationship with God, I’m not mad anymore. I learned so much about people who really care for me, my own self determination, and beauty. I will not lie and say that I still don’t deal with old feelings sometimes cause I do. I’ll admit that I sometimes still feel un-pretty, but I am not and will not be the same girl again. I’m better. If your dealing with issues or feel ugly, you’re not alone and you don’t have to be. You have a great support system in people and God. I hope this helps anyone struggling, please believe me beauty is way more than skin deep.