Yesterday I wrote a pretty long post and it was probably a hard read because it was so long and also because it was a really sad thing to read. When I wrote that I was reading a lot of the things I had written in my journal during the time and I saw that when my life was at its worst, how people rallied around my family to protect us and to help us. Today I want to share the things that made that time better; the things that people did to bring us hope. I always knew that God had a plan, I wrote that very often in my journal, but for me, that knowledge didn’t make my situation suck any less; and a year ago or so I started ending every journal post with a truth about God and His character. I would recommend doing that. It helps you to stay focused and see that God is good despite your circumstances. But now I want to toast to all of the people who made that time for me a little easier. Because I could never have done that on my own.
Of course my siblings and my Mom. Dayle would sit and talk to me through all of it and so would Mom. One day when my Dad was coming to get some stuff after he had moved out I started to cry and Shane came over and just gave me a big hug and let me cry on his shoulder and he told me everything was going to be ok. That was very special to me. Then of course there’s the Llanes to thank, they were the family I lived with for a week. They have 6 kids themselves, yet they took in all 8 of us kids and my Mom. That’s kind of a big deal. We only stayed for a week but they didn’t even want us to leave then! Because at that point my Dad was so unpredictable that he could show up again at any time. But they supported us and helped us.
Yesterday I wrote about the time I cried the hardest in my life; that night at around midnight I called my dear friend, Eilobelle, and she answered her phone and talked to me until I calmed down a little. It was almost midnight. She had school in the morning. She should be sleeping. Yet she talked to me for a few minutes and that meant so much to me.
After all the drama that happened on Christmas I was just not doing well so I posted on my small group page that I needed prayer. Right away I got a text from my friend, Becca, asking if I was ok. I told her I just had an awful Christmas. You know what she said? She said that I deserved to have a good Christmas because I was always doing things for others and she said that the next day she would take me to the store and buy me a book. (We’re both really big book nerds and I never get brand new books to I was just shocked.) Sure enough she did, we went with a bunch of friends and she got me a new book and a cool notebook. I treasure those things so very much.
There are so many other people who simply gave me hugs or spoke kind words to me and I wish I could name every single instance but that could take all day.
So how is my family after all of this? Its kinda funny but, we’re stronger. The house is so much more peaceful and we’re in such better shape. My Dad had started on this path 3 and a half years ago or so. I didn’t realize it at the time, but thats when it started. When we were homeless. Because he felt like a failure for losing his job. He was always really bad at spending money we didn’t have but now Mom is managing the money and we’re doing good. There were so many things that Dad never let her do but now he has no say. Since she’s managing her money well she can afford to buy some nice things, like she bought some new school books for us and for her birthday she got herself a little mug from her favorite show, Deadliest Catch. I’m not trying to bash my Dad, I do still love him even though I am still angry at him, but its the truth. Once upon a time he was the best father in the world. It saddens me that he stopped being that dad a while ago. Its sad because my siblings won’t have the same childhood memories as I do. I remember playing Barbies with my Dad because my Mom always hated Barbies. But he would play with me. We used to go on bike rides to the movie store and the library all the time. We played wiffle ball a lot too. He was my favorite AWANA leader. He really was that dad. It hurts me because he gave up the most important thing in his life for something that was temporary and would only hurt him. In all honesty, we got the better end of the deal.
So there it is. I love my life and I love my family. I’ve gone through some rough situations but it made me stronger. God is good. All the time.