Standing Still

I’ve been reading this book called Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris; two brothers who lead the Rebelution. The Rebelution is defined as a teenage rebellion against low standards. Now, my change the world mood switch has been on for a while (I might blog about that soon.) but reading this book has blown up the switch now. There’s no off button anymore. Now I am craving hard things to do. The book encouraged big hard things (like the outreach night I helped organize) and small hard things. (like doing more chores than is expected of me and doing the dishes without being told.)

   I’ve really been trying to do everything I can. I did the girls night, I made an email account where hurting people can tell me their stories and maybe get some release from letting things out, I also started a website with the same purpose. I’m also trying to find a way for me to reach and get to know non believers, such as joining a group or work on a community project. Yet all the doors seem to be closed right now. My website is getting no new members and no one posting, I’m getting no emails, my blog/Facebook page has no new followers. Everything is at a stand still.

   So now what? It can be tempting to ask “God, why would you give me this passion and all this input to fuel me…just to give me no resources or open doors?” Honestly, I have thought that. I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I know I can do big hard things for Christ, I can do so much more than I’ve been doing. So why am I being held back?

   Sometimes we need to learn to have patience and wait on God’s timing. He has plans for each one of us but sometimes we need to trust God with where we are and instead of wishing for more, work hard to do your best at what God has provided you. When life gives you lemons do you throw it back and ask for limes? No. Take it and make some lemonade! That ties into something Kol Skywalker said in the Legacy comics. “We take what we’re given.” That means we don’t complain or ask for more. We graciously take whatever God hands us and use it. We actually have a lot more resources than we think we do.

   Sometimes I doubt if my small day to day tasks make a difference or if I’m really helping. I have a constant fear that I’m not doing enough. What do I do during those times? I wish I had some dignified response but in reality I’ve been known to sit on my floor in a ball and cry while texting my friend, Diana, about how maybe I should be in public school witnessing to people. Sure, I have those moments, but I don’t let myself mope around for too long. I’m allowed my few tears, but after that its all turned into determination. God gave me this desire for a reason and I will use it to serve Him no matter what situation He hands me.

   So here I am, no doors are opening to me. The question still stands: What do I do? Well, that’s simple.

Published by faithmariephoto

follower of Jesus. Artist. Feminist. Life enthusiast.

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